READY TO MAKE NICE



Earlier this week I got to thinking about a question resonating in my mind: How long does it take to know we’ve moved on from a previous relationship and understand that there no longer exists any sort of resentment, awkwardness or emotional tendencies?

I asked my self this and somehow knew that I had come up with the answer unknowingly. Its something that happens overtime when you are not looking.

Last Monday night out with a couple of friends at the ‘Bar On A’ after a cheap meal deal at the ‘Sun Burnt Cow’, which is fast becoming a customary outing on Monday nights, I was surprised to see Mr G.
I found it unusual to find him there, as its not a bar he’d frequent. Then again I’d seen him the previous week for lunch and on the Saturday night for a friends birthday party so I knew that we were on good terms.
(We’d somehow sidetracked since our break-up and only saw each other twice in the last two months)

What made it more unusual was that he was with someone else at the other side of the bar. I didn’t think anything of it until I asked the friend I was with, who’d spoken to him, if Mr G was on a date. Was I meant to feel bad? I didn’t know. I didn’t feel awkward or anything, I knew that situations like this would present themselves; it’s inevitable to go through life not running into an ex and his new lover. It has happened in the past with previous boyfriends, so I didn’t think anything of it.

It only became awkward when after a brief ‘hello and goodbye’ he returned to the corner of the bar where he’d been sitting and later move twice again. Did he ridicule himself by hiding and pretending he wasn’t with somebody? I appreciate the thought of not wanting to make me feel upset, but what became more upsetting was hiding the fact that he was with someone and making it like he wasn’t.
It is a free country and I was genuinely happy that he was dating again. For sure I had been on a couple of ‘dates’ with other people too and it seem natural to want to date again.

We discussed the incident at lunch the day after. Establishing a mutual ground on which we could both be better friends rather than feel ‘awkwardness’ is perhaps the best step forward. I rather have the friendship than live with the anxiety of running into an ex and his new lover unexpectedly. Living in New York can be very hard and the few friends that I’ve made so far, I’ve gotten to value a lot. Mr G was my best friend and I wish it to remain so even though we are no longer together. Forgetting the reasons for the break-up and looking at our friendship from a different perspective, one where we can share, confide and rely on is the new way to go.

Over the years I’ve come to terms with break-ups and I believe I am in a much better knowledgeable position to acquire a positive ‘move-on’ from a relationship that has come to an end. I’d rather have and ex or an enemy as a friend than be living in the past with a grudge or wondering about the misfortunes of the possible ‘could-have-been’ or let it escalate to jealousy and envy over an ex’s new partner. That is not the way I want to live. We already live in a world filled with hatred and anger and resentment.
I am only harming myself (and we harm ourselves) from keeping a grudge and focusing on the bad of others. I’m ready to make nice with my past. In saying so. I am not my past.

I’ve come to a point where, I’d rather forgive and forget and be able to get on with my life. To some it may no sound easy, but it is. Life it self is short enough and once you get older it accelerates at a rapid pace that sometimes leaves me wondering, “where did those days go?”. I don’t have regrets and sometimes it is good to make mistakes, because it allows us to get back up on our feet and assess the situation. Life happens and there is no use bickering on the un-importance of not being.

I’m ready to make nice and I won’t back down.

NEXT BLOG: MAY 15th.