IF YOU SEEK-HAMMY

The start of February brought in snow never before seen in London. I was snowed in on Monday 2nd with the whole city at a standstill. Who could believe that so much snow could make so much chaos?
Living in this city makes you wonder if we are prepared for what Mother Earth has to throw at us. I looked at my own life and asked the same question, “Am I prepared for what life has to throw at me?” Could I cope with the ‘snow’ and not be brought to a standstill?

My economic crisis continued with slight optimism and I could say that I have learned to cope and live on a budget. With the economic crisis as it is, it has become very important to watch my pocket and decided to open a savings account and reassess my credit card balance.

With some cash in my bank I venture to meet two new friends. I met Michael once Sunday afternoon for coffee at the Tate Modern. He is very hot for a 36-year-old man and to tell you the truth I’ve never considered a man in his 30s until after the guy from GLAAD in 2007. As we walked through the many modern sculptures and the spider installation I realized he had a partner whom he’d been with for several years. Damn I thought, but nonetheless I had gained a new friend who after another coffee break along the South Bank had opened up about is open relationship. He continued to tell me about how he and his husband-to-be often engaged in threesomes or ventured out on their own to spice up their relationship. Is this the modern way to maintain a healthy gay relationship? Surely if you don’t plan to have children, gay couples must come to a compromise and monogamy is a sacrifice worth taking.


The following weekend I met up with a new Kiwi Friend who is also in a relationship. It’s worth mentioning that it felt like a date more than the Gay Bingo we were attending. This however was strictly friendship I told myself. Several beers later, we ended up at a club dancing crazy to Britney beats. It was a great night out, but I realized I need to make friends with guys who didn’t have an open relationship and I was not prepared to be the third wheel in these scenarios. I’m a monogamist and even thought in gay relationships open relationships are common, it isn’t for me.

My own personal goals came into play this month. Trying to bring an event to London where people can socialize and network is hard work, especially when doors are closed in your face and people don’t want to help. This month however I got the support of the BFI London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival and I can safely say that progress is underway to make it happen. Attending the Press Launch I met a cute half-English-half-Pakistani Film director; I never go for dark types but he was unusually attractive. Not thinking much of it, I saw it as a venture to network later to learn from Facebook that he had a boy friend. I wasn’t disappointed, but it seemed that I was attracting guys who are in relationships or rather I am finding guys who are in a relationship attractive.

With the start of Lent I began to question what I needed to give up for these 40 days before Easter. It is easy to give up sweets and coffee and I think I would need to give up something that I am more dependent on that I should try to live without for the next couple of weeks. In a conversation with a friend I asked if sex is something he could give up only to answer yes. “What about masturbation?” I asked. The answer was no. Funnily enough he was prepared to give up sex with his boyfriend, which as it seems they hardly do it anyway but not masturbation? How far does a relationship have to go to stop relying on your partner for sex and opt for your right hand instead? Can masturbation be considers monogamy if you’re in a relationship?

I left my friend’s thoughts of self-exploration to make another date with the Surveyor guy I went on a couple of dates last summer. We had not met in recent months but kept in touch with the off email, text or Facebook message and lately chatting on MSN. I can’t recall the true reason that we didn’t take it further, perhaps I was not that into him (he is 30, or my mind was elsewhere to make any effort to continue dating. Given the chance and the fact that our MSN chats are very flirty filled with sexual innuendos we decided to meet up, only to be stood up due to a sudden ‘man-flu’ brought the day we were supposed to meet.
Not letting it disappoint me I made other arrangements and went out. I realized that what I needed to give up, if not for Lent but also for good, was old dates that failed to go anywhere. If nothing became of them or nothing happened I shouldn’t go back there to revive it. If it’s dead I shouldn’t be checking for a heartbeat every 5 minutes.
It’s time to seek something new…