THE DAYS AND LIVES OF ALL MY GAY CHILDREN





It’s time to add some excitement, drama, pizzazz, controversy, chaos and sex in the London city.
Names and Places of the stories of my friends have been changed to protect their identity.

Toby is a twenty-something gay male. He has been a friend of mine for a very long time. He briefly dated Anton a couple of years ago. That all went smoothly for a couple of months until Anton decided he only wanted friendship.
Then came Ralph, who lasted for a couple of years. Toby was so smitten by Ralph. That’s until complications in the relationship happen and they both cheated on each other. Ralph fell love with a previous Internet hook-up and left Toby all shaken and heart broken. Months after Ralph saw what he was missing and wanted Toby back. But Toby was having none of it. He was already involving himself with John, who was Tom’s boyfriend. Tom was always spending time in the other side of the world and Toby didn’t see that all John wanted was a brief fling while his boyfriend spent time abroad. Things slowly developed and they both grew emotions towards each other. John was indecisive, he new Toby was far better in bed than John ever was. But John and Tom had a history together. Toby being a nice guy that he is, left it as it was and moved on before they could fall in love, there was no use, he didn’t want John to leave his boyfriend just for him. A couple of months after Toby met a cute guy called Steven; he was all nice and charming, until Steven began changing and Toby saw through it. Lets just say that Steven wasn’t big enough to compliment Toby and soon the affection along with the sex dried out, but they remain friends still. Toby is also friends with Guy, who I also know, who apparently also know Steven’s other ex. Guy recently had the courage to meet up with his love interest from the Internet.

Andy is somewhat of a different story. His love interests come and go, I don’t know how he is unable to maintain a proper relationship. His current interest is a builder from East London, but he is far too loud when he gets drunk. He recently refused an offer from an older gentleman too. His past boyfriends leave nothing to be desired. He previously dated someone who also had a boyfriend. Due to consequences Tommy didn’t want to leave Chris as they both shared a flat and if Tommy left Chris, this would leave him homeless. Now Chris is back in his life wanting a proper relationship as he has managed to shake off Tommy. Andy is no stranger to younger or older men and confessed to have dated both. (Within the legal age that is). I don’t know how he manages to find boyfriends who are confused and unsure of what they want.
Small world is when Andy dated Bobby for a couple of times. Turns out that Bobby had also dated someone Toby had previously dated and that some one also dated someone who previously dated Andy. Is that too confusing? Andy was briefly interested in Toby; they’ve both pulled Kyle. (Not at the same time but on different dates without either of them knowing). Now Andy is interested in someone linked to another friend of mine, Lucas. He knows the builder and his roommate some how too.

Lucas has a boyfriend of over a year. It amazes me how much trust they both have for each other considering that Lucas spends his time chatting other boys up. How does Thomas put up with it? I don’t know and I daren’t ask. He has confessed on pulling other guys in clubs while Thomas remains at home. I’m sure that Lucas and Thomas could be together for a long time but is flirting with other guys while you have a boyfriend acceptable? Or does it depend on how far it goes?

They should take a leave out of James’ leave, another friend of mine; currently single and no stranger to boyfriend drama. Perhaps he holds a certain patience that I admire. A couple of years ago he dated a minor celebrity of a show in England. While it all felt good in the beginning, it escalated to the same turmoil Toby faced with Steven. The sex became dry as the Sahara Desert. Like both relationships the passion was fading, the attention for one another reached a low point that there was almost no affection.
When a relationship gets this way, is it best to quit while you are ahead before further resentment builds?

On the other side of the world I have two friends who face similar problems and questions. Nigel is a tall good-looking black guy who works for a law firm. He is dating a white girl, Miranda. Now there seems to be some racial divide, as Miranda feels unaccepted into Nigel’s African culture. His parents would have wanted him to marry a nice black African woman with the same values and same religious views. Miranda is torn that Nigel’s mother could not accept her for who she truly is. Its not about giving up her own culture but about showing Nigel’s parents that she truly loves him for who he is.

Mike is torn with a religious divide too. He is trying to persuade his girlfriend that they should bring up their children with his own religious views. Ultimately Susan, his girlfriend, wants their children to have both hers and his religious upbringing. Mike can be somewhat over controlling and sometimes too possessive towards Susan, controlling where she goes out and whom she sees. Could someone spend the rest of his or her lives with someone like this?

My advice to my friends:

Relationships are hard and we have to continue making them work even two years into it. Yes the first month feels like a honeymoon and wonderful and its up to you to continue making it like so and keep the sex up too. Don’t let the fire die out. Find new ways to bring interest into the relationship. You both as a couple have to have a passion for life, not necessarily the same interests but something that says that you could both spend the rest of your lives together.

Avoid flirtatious banter from other hopefuls. Yes the grass on the other side may seem greener, but you can make your own side just as green by using a good fertilizer. See your partner’s true potential rather than their negative points. Focus on the positive aspects a couple can bring into a relationship.

I’ve began to notice that the gay community is a small one, and sometimes we’ll run into some one who has dated someone we know or we have previously have dated ourselves. Where this is perfectly normal, try not to make a big deal out of it, or by trying to compare how the previous relationship was and the reasons for the break-up.
Try to get ‘closure’ from your previous relationship. If possible make friends with your Ex. Give it some time, if there is still some resentment because of the reasons you broke-up. Getting closure is meeting your Ex a period of time afterwards and know that you no longer have “those feelings” towards him. I recently met up with an Ex and had dinner with his new boyfriend. I thought I would feel weird seeing them both, but I was perfectly normal, his new boyfriend was very nice and I’m glad I can call them friends now.
Rather than allow a relationship to escalate to dangerous heights, if you have doubt bring it up, resolve as best possible any thoughts that you may have in your mind.
If you suspect and find that your boyfriend is chatting to other guys in the Internet from ‘gaydar.co.uk, gay.com, and manhunt.net’ and all those other sites, then there is some cause for concern. I wouldn’t recommend dating guys from those sites at present, now that I know better. Where they are good to make friends, who is going to find Love on a website all about wanting to fuck?
I know sometimes we feel like we should keep the field open and carry on pulling or chatting to other guys just in case of a break-up, but ultimately that’s not proper. Yes I did once discover that my boyfriend, now an Ex, was chatting to countless amounts of men and posting pictures of himself on the Internet. It was hurtful, but now I know better. Whatever happen to making friends and having relationships the old fashion way? Remember when there was no Internet or glory holes? The city is filled with millions of people, so there shouldn’t be a need to be on one’s ass on a computer. Go out there and explore what is on offer.

It’s sometimes difficult to judge how we’ll be taken in with our partner’s friends or his or her family. Remember that when you embark on a new relationship to leave room for your old friends who have been there since time began. You may make friends with your new partner’s friends but also remember your old ones.
Family can sometimes be a little tricky. First you have you have to establish the grounds of your own relationship and make it your own. Accept each other for who both of you can be. Yes there will always be doubts, but you have to be sure in your mind first. Family will always prove difficult, just as long as you prove that you both can be happy and there is no way of changing your mind, parents will come to see sense in their children’s own future happiness.

I’m not a relationship expert, but I’ve had a few tumbles in the past that has let me to grow and know better and give me a fuller understanding about dating. I always learn something new. I also learn a lot from my friends and I’m always happy to be here for them and share on some advice.

Look out for the next Blog: April 30th
STILL HAMMY FROM THE BLOCK, STILL HAMILTON

TRADITIONAL LDN



I had a writer’s block. I didn’t know what to write about. It must’ve been the flu I caught on the eve of my trip to London town that left me somewhat paralysed to say the least. I found myself in bed for the first few days on my arrival here and only this week began to go out and see old friends, much to the realization that I have less than two weeks left in my hometown.

The flight it self I must talk about. Last time I flew British Airways I was adamant that I wouldn’t fly with the carrier again. That was Christmas time and on booking my Easter break I found my self, buying a BA ticket again, I must’ve been crazy, but it was cheap flight and I thought that maybe this time round things would be better. I reminded myself to fly Virgin Atlantic next time; their in-flight service is of better quality, their timing is impeccable; their planes have more legroom and are far more comfortable.
When I flew New York to London back in December, the flight was appalling; it was delayed for two hours, during take off it was delayed another hour, we had to fly above London airspace several times due to congestion on the landing runway. To add to the wait, we were taxied for a further half-hour until a gate became available and we were able to step out of the plane. Once at the baggage reclaim hall there were more delays as the conveyer belt was malfunctioning and there had been strikes buy baggage handlers over pay, so in all, that entire trip lasted 10 hours compared to the normal 7-hour flight.

This time round I thought things would be different, or so I thought. The plane headed to the runway on time, but once there, there was a queue of about ten other planes wanting to take off. Why does everyone want to leave New York so badly?
So the wait took an hour until the actual take-off. To further add to the delay we had to fly over London yet again due to a queue of planes wanting to land, it seems that everyone wants to come to London? And as expected in the baggage hall, it took a further 20 minutes for the conveyer belt to start and I was allowed pick up my suitcases and make my way into my hometown. I’ll defiantly fly Virgin next time.

Hometown. Its weird I’ve spent the last seven months making New York City my new home that as soon as I arrive back in London from being away for so long, everything feels strangely unfamiliar.
London has become my home away from home. I arrived to a new house my family purchased while I have been in New York venturing a new career. I found myself without “my room” and feel more of a guest living out of my suitcase clothes.
Most of “my stuff” which happens to be stored up in the ‘loft’ is lot to my mother’s standards. OK is about ten boxes full of books from University and various other stuff, such as DVDs and VHS Tapes, most of which I’ve given away to charity. I question the keep of old memorabilia that reminds me of the past and have decided to throw away cards and little things one keeps when you are in a relationship. Why hold on to those things when you know you wont go back there? The rest will be there, and remain in boxes until I decided to live back in London. I still haven’t decided on that yet. Maybe I’ll be like Madonna and those international stars and live between London and New York. Hold on, I think I’m doing that anyway.

A lot changes when one is away. The roads change, new buildings are going up, new bank notes are being introduced, new artists are on the charts, friends are dating someone new, babies grow a considerable amount, even the weather is warmer than usual. I wonder what will change in New York during these three weeks that I am away from it?

I do feel slightly nostalgic that I am missing it all; seeing my niece grow up, being away from close friends, being away from family. But something tells me that all the sacrifices of giving ‘things’ up will pay in the end. I have even handed over my car, a Fiat Punto, which was my 21st birthday present from my mother, away to my older brother. In order to make way for the new, we must part away from the old, that’s my motto. And when will I be in receipt of the new I ask myself. I don’t know. I seem to be in a long waiting list for new things. I’m being awfully patient.

The Easter came and went, much unlike it has in the past. There seems to be gradually less Easter eggs this year, in fact none at all! Why was this? We didn’t even go to church this year. Why are we becoming less concerned with keeping up with tradition and more on keeping up fashion trends and celebrity gossip?

Easter Sunday my family and I attended a gathering of Colombians for what seem to be a ‘lunch do’. I thought it would be just that, Sunday Lunch.
I found myself in Neasden, North London overlooking the brand new Wembley Stadium. Something ironic came to my head. Is this what is like for Colombian’s living in Flushing, Queens overlooking the Shea Stadium?
I don’t know, I seem to be out of touch with the Colombian community as a whole that I only experience it at home, but then again, my family isn’t very Colombian either. I guess our culture is a mixture between some Colombian and British traditions.
When I experience the company of full Colombians, I look at them and question why they are like so, because certainly I am not like them. Colombians tend to be loud mouth, enjoy their loud salsa music and dance, enjoy their women, and eat traditional Colombian food and be very much Latin.
Actually the food on the menu on Sunday was far from Colombian either. It was middle-eastern cuisine. A huge lamb had been placed in the middle of the table; salsa music was playing loud as it could go, where had the out cultural traditions gone?

We seem to be living in a new age, where we can integrate ourselves in a new country and bring our old customs with us and also embrace those of our new “home”.
I think that’s what I’m doing in New York too. Embracing the City for what it its, and at the same time reminding myself of where I’m from. But that’s it; I don’t know where I’m from. Am I just British or am I just Colombian? I feel like I am both. I feel like I hold cultural traditions from both, but sometimes it’s easier to say to people “I’m from London” rather than “I’m Colombian”.

I remember when I was younger and going to school for the first time, people would ask me where I was from and when I said ‘Colombia’, they’d instantly make remarks to ‘Pablo Escobar, a famous drug baron and trafficker of ‘cocaine’.
I felt ashamed of being associated with everything that was bad from that country because other kids use to make fun of me for being Colombian and ask me if I had any coke among other taunts.
It seems Colombia has a taken a turn over the last few years; kidnappings and murders have gone down considerably that the Ministry for Tourism have launched a $5million campaign to promote tourism again. Check out this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyFXVslYYzI

Still I wouldn’t change London for Colombia. This is where I’ve done most of my growing up and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else (Apart from New York that is), not that I still feel ashamed of being Colombian, far from it now.
I love walking through the streets of both London and New York and find their similarities, and differences. They are both great cosmopolitan cities offering cultural diversion and work prosperity. It seems I’ve gone full circle; from South America to Great Britain and back to North America. I’m having the time of my life living between both LDN and NYC, like Madonna and the rest of those international celebrities.

Next Blog: April 16th (Or there abouts)

CALLING ALL CELEBRITIES



I understand this post is somewhat late than anticipated, but hey it has been a busy week for me and I’ve had a soar throat for the last couple of days that has left me unable to speak for some of the time. Only yesterday did it worsen and threw me into a feverish state that all I could do was just sleep in and rest. All that sleep did some good as I know find myself able to write. So I've been on my death bed for last couple of days. As soon as I touch down in London town I will complete this Blog!

Hamilton

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Monday started with a quick shoot of documentary Cinematographer and Director Kevin Keating. This was a somewhat simple interview for which I did sound. Slowly learning the ways of filmmaking.

Monday night was probably the most exciting night I’ve had in a long while. Partly because of the number of celebrities attending this event. I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I had volunteered for GLAAD; reason being was because I wanted to do something within the community and help people and give up some of my hours and generally get some volunteer credits.
I was assigned the position of ‘Celebrity Escort’, a position only given to those who have volunteered for a couple of years. This was my first time volunteering and I felt privileged that I was giving the role. I felt the excitement of interacting with celebrities, but at the same time reminded my self of previous times that I’ve had the chance to hang out with celebrities, that they are real people like you and me.

With little time for induction I dived into my position, I was given a radio and folder with information about my two celebrities, I acquainted myself with their personal profile, finding out they were two soap stars from ‘All My Children’: Jeffrey Clarkson and Eden Reigel who have one of the most controversial storylines ever produced by that show.
I didn’t know who they were until that night, but I found one of them plays a transgender male to female and the other a lesbian. You can work out who plays whom.

My job was very simple; all I had to do was escort them from their car to the red carpet to the VIP bar then to their table. During the show I would come and pick them up and take them backstage to get ready for them to present. Everything was timed to a schedule and I had to get my two celebrities on call ready back-stage at the call of their name on the walkie-talkie. On the process of all that I shared and elevator with Rosie O’Donnell and her wife Kelly, this was as I took Jeffrey and Eden to their table, all of us, including publicist, cramped inside one of the Marriot Marquis glass elevators. As we stepped out I said “Nice to meet you Rosie” and she replied “Nice to meet you too”. She was as friendly as she seems on her show “The View” and as outspoken as she can be.

On a far table I spotted the two ‘James’ from the movie ‘Shortbus’; Paul Dawson and PJ DeBoy. They were very friendly and surprisingly short and I found it strange talking to them at the same eye level as me. On the movie they looked much taller and broader at the shoulders, but I found both to be the same height as me. We had a small chat about how I loved the movie and how I’d seen their co-actor Jay Brannan, perform his acoustic music a couple of weeks ago. All three of them have one of the best scenes in the movie that ends with the American National Anthem being sang into Jay’s ass.

The night went on without a hitch. That was until some random drunk person, who turned out to be a ‘big donor’, spotted me. He was unhappy with where he’d been seated, he was unable to get a drink and I was all of the sudden meant to solve all his problems. I was put on the spot. I radioed my team leader for back up. No answer. I tried to be as friendly as I could, pointing out that there was free wine on the table. This guy wanted hard liqueur. I suggested he sat down and that I would send someone to his table to sort his troubles and maybe ignoring it all I wouldn’t see him again and he’d forget about his complaint.

The biggest part of the awards came towards the end of the night. Escorting Jeffrey and Eden back to their table after they had presented, we run into Jennifer Hudson backstage. None of us say a word. We just take this moment in to breathe in the same air as this Academy Award Winner and stare in awe.
Jennifer went on to present Patti Labelle with Excellence in Media Award, for which turned out to be a pivoting point in both these women’s careers; one’s career just starting out the other receiving a ‘lifetime achievement’.
I almost cried, hold on I had a tear in my eye. For a moment everyone was lost because we didn’t know if Patti was the one giving Hudson the award, she gave a big speech about Hudson and her Oscar blah blah even called Hudson a bitch if she were to turn all Hollywood. "Beyonce who?” Lets just say it ended with both of them singing an acoustic version of "Nobody knows but Jesus" or something like it. (Hudson’s voice filled the whole 45 floors of the Marriott Marquis on Times Square).
This was a thrilling experience, the moment were two black women, compared themselves to gay men! (You can catch it on LOGO later this month when it gets aired)

The night ended with an after party. One party I was grateful not to be kicked out. Last time I made my way into a celebrity after party and was kicked out, was while working at Alexandra Palace for the ‘UK Music Hall of Fame’, I had the wrong pass. I had borrowed the pass from a co-worker who wasn’t staying and I decided to for him go and enjoy the free drinks (my pass was only limited to the catering side). On deciding to go the gent’s room after the consumption of too much liquid I had to go out of the room and pass security again. I didn’t know if I should risk it again. “What the heck I thought”.
Wrong idea, the security guard questioned my pass and asked me to leave the party right away. Then him and a second security guard took me by the shouldes to my managers office “I have ‘Tariq’ here, he was in the after party with the wrong pass” said the security guard. “Tariq?” my manager said as he looked at me not saying anything else, for his look could say I was not ‘Tariq’. It was already late and I had just been thrown out of a celebrity party for having the wrong access pass with the wrong name! It was short lived and I knew there would be more events and after parties, so I wasn’t all hung up on that event back then.

After the GLAAD after party I joined my cute team leader and a couple of others for a drink in near by ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ to celebrate the success of the night. The team leader and I got very chatty and didn’t realise it so until the lights of the bar were turned on and it was closing time. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 4am; I needed to be at work at 11am!

The week followed in similar suit. I recovered on Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday I had been invited to three separate events. This was when I began to fall ill. My soar throat began, but I didn’t think much of it and went out anyway. I joined co-workers for a ‘crew’ reunion in a near bar. I stayed long enough to introduce myself to previous employees and freelancers who worked on the documentary ‘Shut up and Sing’. I knew that these would be people whom I’d see again at some point of my career again, maybe when the time came and I needed help putting my own documentary together.

The second event of that night was a small concert by ‘Lisa Palleschi’ at The Bitter End on Bleecker Street, for which my friend Charlie, who is her PR, had invited me to. My favourite song was 'A New Beginning', because it talks about being at a place where I am right now 'on the edge of a new beginning', and I feel New York is my new begining and I'm spreading out my wings to fly and venture out.
After this social event and questioning a musical documentary on Lisa, we made our way to Keno41 in Midtown Manhattan. A much recently discovered Thursday night party for those who’s Friday fall on a Thursday. My throat was bad. I could hardly speak and I didn’t want to force my voice or myself. I stayed long enough to spot the punks who thought it was still 1993 and Michael Musto, the Village Voice Columnist.

By the weekend I was dying. My soar throat hard turn into a flu and I was looking so rough. I almost wish I hadn’t met up with my team leader from GLAAD for dinner, who knows what he must’ve thought on Friday night? I made it through the weekend by staying in bed most of the time. But I needed to make my way. Make my way home and here I am, still recovering, London has called me once again.

Next Blog: April 8th (or there abouts)